That Time Of The Month: The Best Period-Related iPad Jokes
Apple's iPad announcement earlier this afternoon prompted a score of WTFing across the internet, prompting many to ask, “Are there any women on Apple's marketing team?” Answer: Apparently not. (Period.)
From Twitter (for what it's worth, #iTampon is apparently the number three trending topic on the site.):
tjakabon: “It surfs the web AND stops the bleeding.”
Gelatobaby: And you can use the giant QWERTY keyboard to get your period on the #iPad!
CarolBlymire: Is #apple making an iPad for light-flow days? Just wondering…
Trish1981: iPad? Really? All I can say is, I'm sticking with Always, bitches.
tremendousnews: So I can say “That chick is on her iPad” and not be called a pig? Thank you Apple.
melissapierce: iPad has changed “the conversation” from how we use tech in context to how we use tech as Kotex. (who named this thing?)
TwittsMcGee: I haven't heard this many period jokes since I was forced to watch The View last month. #iPad
kathycacace: Okay, just one more. The iPad: protecting your data from embarrassing incidents.
Johnpapa: “64 gig iPad will forever be known as the heavy flow model.”
From the comments section of “Period Pieces”:
lady_justice: Did the prototype come with a belt?
Lymed: Does the Period Tracker app come free?
fauxfruit: If I order this, will my boyfriend and I have to worry if it comes late?
andBegorrah: If you and your friends all buy one, will they sync up?
boston_nj: Meh. I'll wait until they come out with the iDivaCup
morninggloria: Don't wear white jeans while using an iPad, and especially don't use an iPad in front of your crush. You're a teen magazine embarrassing moment waiting to happen.
ms negative the easy-going unicorn: someone needs to make a 'mysterious blue liquid stain on white' wallpaper for this.
LilSpitfire: Later in the year they will be releasing the companion tablet pen, the Ipon.
Vesuvius At Home (I believe in peace, bitch): But what if the cute boys see me shopping for one? What if my dad has to take me??
NellMood: It's so beautiful when an electronics company finally becomes a woman…
Cinnamoncanuck: @NellMood: Aunt Flo will be so happy! Reply
soykatrina: Eh, I prefer the CVS brand. A few bucks less but does the same thing…
vlvtjones: So will iffy Wifi coverage be called iSpotting?
morninggloria: Can I get a scented iPad for when my data feels not-so-fresh?
Mary McCarthyite: Everyone, just try to Stay(free) calm and Poise(d). It's Always nice to see a new product on the market. I Depend on Apple to come up with great ideas. Maybe we're taking this out of Kotex.
Lymed: Somebody give the iPad a Red Bull, because it ain't no good without wings.
andBegorrah: Are you there, God? It's me, Marketing.
NellMood: iPads are for 8th graders. I'm waiting for the iTampon, because I prefer to do all my interneting from inside my vagina.
BicSharpie: Hopefully it will help people deal with the 24-hour news cycle.
(Image Credit: Brad Stephenson)
Earlier: 8 Reasons Women Should Be Excited For Apple's “iPad”
Related: Apple's iPad Name Not the First Choice for Women. Period. [Fast Company]
Send an email to Latoya, the author of this post, at latoya@racialicious.com.
Game Developers See Potential, Not Gold Rush in Apple's iPad
On its surface, Apple's iPad may seem like a glorified e-book reader, but developers working on games for the system say they see within its extra-large screen and faster processor, great gaming potential.
“Our creative teams are really just digging in and brainstorming ideas that the power and specs of the iPad might bring to life,” said Andrew Stein, director of mobile platforms for PopCap games, maker of Bejeweled and Peggle. “Nobody could have anticipated the huge blossoming of creativity engendered by the iPhone and iPod Touch and I think the iPad could easily take this to the next level.”
The iPad is essentially an over-sized iPod Touch. The device features a 9.7-inch re-engineered multi-touch screen, a 1Ghz processor and 16GB to 64GB of storage. The device will be available either with WiFi only support or with the ability to connect to the Internet through a 3G AT&T cell service. The iPad, which hits this March, will sell for $500 to $830.
Game developers looking to support the new device have two ways of doing so. Because the iPad will run the same sort of operating system as the iPhone and iPod Touch, it can also run the same apps built for those devices. But those apps will either have to run at their original, smaller size, or lose a bit of fidelity when they are artificially enlarged. Developers could also decide to develop games specifically for the device or to develop a higher-resolution version of their iPhone or iPod Touch games for the iPad.
Firemint, which has a community of 6 million people playing their games Flight Control and Real Racing GTI, say they are already working on an “enhanced for iPad” version of Flight Control.
“We want to do more than just up-size the art assets to the higher resolution,” said Alexandra Peters, Firemint's community manager. “When we design a game we always think about the fundamental and unique qualities of the platform and how we can best work with those.”
But, Peters says, they can't forget that there are 75 million people with the iPhone and iPod Touch and currently zero with the iPad.
“We wouldn't be surprised if people line up at Apple stores around the world on the day iPad is released but even so, there's a logistical limit to how quickly devices can be manufactured and sold, so it will take a while for the iPad installed base to ramp up,” she said.
PopCap, despite its exuberance for the iPad and successes with the iPhone and iPod Touch, haven't yet announced any games for Apple's latest bit of gadgetry.
“Apple has a tough act to follow in the iPhone and iPod touch – they really rewrote the book on portable gaming with those devices,” Stein said. “From a technical spec, the iPad looks like it could be a phenomenal gaming machine and I would expect games to be the leading revenue category of apps. Commercially, the iPad is in an interesting niche and we'll have to see if Apple has hit another home run a la iPod and iPhone.”
The team behind one of the iPhone's most talked about gaming success, Trism, have no such doubts about the success of the iPad, they're already at work on two titles for the device.
Trism 2, a sequel to their best selling puzzle title, is being developed for both the iPhone and iPad and Trism Spinoff is being developed exclusively for the iPad, said Demiforce founder Steve Demeter.
“Trism Spinoff is intended for a larger footprint device because of certain characteristics such as a higher count of trisms as well as an onscreen metagame,” Demeter said. “Trism 2 was originally going to be exclusively for iPhone and iPod Touch. However, when we realized it would be so easy to cross-compile apps for the iPad, we decided to do Trism 2 for it as well. It will look more resolute on the iPad, but other than that, it'll be the same game.”
Namco Networks were already thinking of what they would do with more screen real estate before the iPad was announced, now they're moving forward on a number of their “concepts and plans,” said Jon Kromrey, general manager of Namco Networks Apple Games division.
That includes updates to existing titles like Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man, which will get new capabilities and have social gaming features added, he said. And, Kromrey adds, Namco has a “big announcement” planned for March's Game Developers Conference in San Francisco.
iPhone game publisher Ngmoco think the device will push developers to make more substantial games for the iTunes Store.
“It is easy to imagine that gamers will be more engaged and less snacky on the iPad,” said Simon Jeffery, Ngmoco chief publishing officer. “Games like Eliminate which are perhaps more time and focus intensive will benefit from couch play. We envisage that the iPad will take game time away from the frontline videogame consoles, and drive the usage of those devices to be yet more hardcore.”
While more processing and screen space could mean more complex games, the feature developers seem most excited about is the iPad's ability to allow the portable device to become a platform for multiplayer gaming.
“It's the perfect device to have in the lounge room,” Firemints' Peters said. “There's something very satisfying about a group of people sitting in a circle with a single shared focus point, whether it's gathering around a camp fire, around the kitchen table or around an iPad. At the moment multiplayer games are physically distancing, either because you're in completely different places as with (massively multiplayer online games), or because you are all facing a large screen instead of each other, as with lounge room consoles. Once a family has gathered around an iPad to play a board game, they are far more likely to try other kinds of games as well, so it could open up yet another huge new audience for all game developers.”
Demiforce's Demeter, Ngmoco's Jeffery and Namco's Kromrey also see the potential for single-device multiplayer gaming as the iPad's biggest addition to the realm of portable gaming.
“We are looking closely at extending the Mobile gaming experience to the couch in a transparent, frictionless way,” Jeffery said. “It's important that one of our customers can get off the bus after playing an iPhone game and then pick it up again seamlessly on the couch.”
Much of the iPhone's surprising gaming success was driven by its ability to tap into a group of people who had never played or even considered playing games. Rather than cannibalize those customers, the iPad could achieve that a second time because the audience picking up this e-reader and video and music playing tablet are likely to be made up mostly of an entirely new audience.
But Apple's past successes have almost always been driven by its ability to stay focused on a single message, a single device. The iPad's launch though, diffuses that message, coming at a time when the iPhone still enjoys rocketing success and the potential market needs convincing that they need a device that fits awkwardly between laptop and iPhone.
Well Played is a weekly news and opinion column about the big stories of the week in the gaming industry and its bigger impact on things to come. Feel free to join in the discussion.
Send an email to the author of this post at editor@kotaku.com.
Comments
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yeah, who paid them? Ridiculous. A toy for folks who need to show others they have it. It is useless.
Posted by: y0himba
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February 5, 2010 11:23 AM
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Funny how a device that can't do everything one person wants is immediately useless…
Posted by: Johnny Worthington
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February 5, 2010 11:25 AM
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It is another “it” device. Trendy, but nothing innovative or necessary. It is like yet another pair of cheap silver earings. Every iClone must have one just to show it off and say they have it.
Posted by: y0himba
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February 5, 2010 11:27 AM
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It's a hammer with an easy grip handle. The innovation does not come from the item itself but the access to the general public of otherwise confusing and complicated technologies. If you need a sledge hammer to drive in a stake, get one. Apple will be busy selling LOTS of easy grip hammers to people just needing to drive in nails.
Posted by: Johnny Worthington
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February 5, 2010 11:32 AM
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Quotes seem to be from all the same people that said the “good times” will NEVER end” back when the stock market was at 14,000 circa late 2007
zero credibility, pure speculation
Posted by: Todd |
February 5, 2010 11:57 AM
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@y0himba – the device isn't for you, and it's innovation comes from making life easier for people like “our mom's”… who just want the internet, music, email, and an ereader…
That's all they use their computers for, and this device is way better for them than that… save the exclusion of flash.
Just because it's not for you, doesn't mean that there isn't a market for it, or that it's not innovative for another segment of the population… If all you did was the items outlined above, would you buy a laptop for $1,200, or this?
Shoot, just saw @Johnny's post above. He essentially says the same thing.
Posted by: Jack Benoff |
February 5, 2010 12:05 PM
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I agree that the iPad will do well and the it will do great depending on the apps. I think it'll do at least “well” because it's part of an overall coherent strategy to build up a platform (iTunes, iBook, apps) with a lot of consumer touchpoints to get more leverage when negotiating with “Big Media.”
http://tropicalgringo.com/Jipn
Posted by: TropicalGringo |
February 5, 2010 12:07 PM
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If I have to choose between Steve Jobs' (certainly biased, yet extensively researched) opinion on whether iPad will do well, and that of a person only recently educated on the iPad, analyst or not, I have to go with Steve (and buy more APPL).
Posted by: Jean-Michel |
February 5, 2010 12:20 PM
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Nope…
they could have easily put out a better product.
it's the fact that they have the guile to release such an inferior product when we know that could have done better.
I thought the kindle was bad technology with an upsale for a niche audience that would pay the price.
what is the iPad? better bad technology.
for the sake of us having the most advanced amount of technology in our lifespans…DONT BUY THE IPAD…the ipad gives the green light for big corps to drag out pushing out new technology/features/advancements over the course of decades, instead of giving us everything they have right now.
What a sad day.
Posted by: Bobby Barker |
February 5, 2010 1:29 PM
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I think it now depends on other manufacturers. If someone puts out a good tablet then they are gone.
I choice at this stage is a Notebook/Netbook convertible: power, functionality, freedom of software. The iPad will get the patron of those who want a large eBook with additional features.
Your analyst are bais – how manu have put their money down to buying one. I am in the market for this sort of thing and no they have lost me. However I still have an eye on announcements by HP for their tablet.
Posted by: Keith |
February 5, 2010 1:48 PM
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#9 proclaims “they could have easily put out a better product.” Um, I'd like to see the portfolio of $500 handheld touch-screen wireless devices that #9 has delivered to market so I can see a better product.
Posted by: MEC |
February 5, 2010 2:18 PM
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MEC, #9 probably is referring to the lack of a camera, phone, multitasking, Flash Support, having other carriers than AT&T, you know, the things that you would expect from a device in this decade.
and no one cares about the price. $500 is nothing, as is $1500, that is if the darn thing did anything useful.
me personally i want to see IR in a tablet, and a Remote Control program that comes standard…so i could make it a universal remote as well…I have so many remotes on my couch so there would be even more clutter with an Ipad.
Posted by: Anon |
February 5, 2010 2:42 PM
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I agree with MEC and others who have posted that most of the criticism comes from people who obviously want a full computer in tablet form and not an information appliance. Too bad you guys have never supported all the previous products in this category. Also, in reference to: “camera, phone, multitasking, Flash Support” missing, this is just echoing the same old “why can't I supersize it?” mentality. There is a very funny photoshopped image of someone using the iPad as a phone – seriously, this is not worthy of consideration. Camera would be nice, but I'm sure one will be along soon (either built-in or from 3rd parties). I'm not sure these posters are aware of just how popular browser plugins that defeat Flash are – but most agree that HTML5 will kill Flash, and Steve is right – Flash is buggy, slow, and getting harder to program with each passing release. As for multitasking – running multiple apps means going back to a general computing device and not something for people who hate computers. To sum up, the iPad is supposed to be for people who hate computers – and the criticisms leveled against the product give ultimate proof as to why the industry continually fails to deliver something for the real masses.
Posted by: MPstein |
February 5, 2010 3:59 PM
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GETTYMOVIE … the Getty/Hitler Trilogy — is being released throughout the web — as director’s cuts … before it opens at major theatres. Can't wait to see it on the new iPad.
Posted by: Grant |
February 5, 2010 5:30 PM
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what a number of commentators here fail to appreciate is the value of “creative cutting” . . . it's something that Jobs is good at, and it's the difference that makes a difference.
Reports from inside Apple have stressed time and again that what Jobs will often do is take all the ideas from the engineers and programmers and ideas people and then CUT features that clutter or confuse the device “gestalt”
It's scary as hell to be in that role, we're all more comfortable ADDING stuff (in life as in technology) just in case. More is better mentality.
Jobs seems to have this knack, call it genius if you will, for making the cuts that not only don't damage, but actually ENHANCE the experience and ultimately the functionality and appeal of the device.
You see that in all the recent introductions from Apple, not least in the iPad.
Posted by: Slongwor |
February 5, 2010 6:13 PM
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Kathy Huberty has become bullish on Apple.
Some pundits are saying the iPad is a toy and useless and yet it has not even gone on sale yet. I guess they think that it's going to be like the past Windows tablets that failed time and time again for consumers. Those that say it will sell because it'll be cool and trendy to own one are probably right but eventually they will come to realize that the iPad is indispensable to them.
If companies were to raise the prices of netbooks to about $500, nobody would probably even buy them. The only reason people buy netbooks are because they are cheap. Netbooks are the dregs of the Windows PC industry. I can see all those poor Windows sycophants waiting for the HP Slate with a full-blown version of Windows 7 choking every Atom processor cycle. That's before the anti-virus software kicks in and brings the display to a screeching halt. Any full version of Windows is useless on a tablet as it always has been and the HP Slate will fail miserably.
I only hope Apple can sell about four million iPads in the first year in order to give Apple some extra revenue in a poor economy. And I hope Apple gets a ton of ad revenue from each iPad they sell.
Posted by: iphonerulez |
February 5, 2010 7:30 PM
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I've typically avoided Apple products, but I'm open to the iPad, primarily as an ebook reader.
I've resisted ebook readers so far. I prefer to read actual books when I can, and PDF files on my computer when necessary.
Posted by: John Soares |
February 5, 2010 7:47 PM
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I can't wait to buy an iPad so I can put lots of .pdf files on it and use it to watch H.264 videos on youtube. No Flash.
Posted by: LaughingBoy48 |
February 5, 2010 7:56 PM
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Most analysts are missing the point and only look at iPad as a product. Visionary will look at iPad as a test case for next computing revolution. Few years down the road when many are using a tablet like iPad that have virtual instead of physical keyboard, no mouse, using hand or fingers or voice to interact, they will then understand why the current design of desktop and laptop will have to go. It is time to change the decades old user interface when better technology is now available. Good luck to those still using a stripdown laptop running a decade old windows XP.
Posted by: angmolan |
February 5, 2010 8:01 PM
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I'm sure a lot of people don't understand or don't need an ipad (or can't afford one or work for an apple competitor) but like the iphone, Apple only has to sell a couple hundred million of out 2 billion cell phone users to be a wild success … maybe the ipad won't be a wildfire success but 75-100 million at $600 per is still nice revenue for the next 5 years. Plus itunes revenue …
Posted by: Joe |
February 5, 2010 9:18 PM
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For me iPad is the natural next step after having a 2G iPod Touch for nearly a year.
I'm in for the prospect that most of the apps i have had for iPod so far will be able to run on iPad. Multitouch-optimized iWork is a welcomed addition; i can't wait to learn to get some of my work done using multitouch hand gestures.
As for Adobe Flash on iPad, i wish Apple could follow Gmail's UI and asks whether the user wants to enable it on specific sites. On the other hand, i'm used to seeing the blank box on the iPod Touch already.
Posted by: Robert |
February 5, 2010 9:21 PM
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The iPad is the most non-green device ever made, its made with virtually all non-recylable parts, has no replaceable battery, so when your mom and grandmoms battery dies in 3-4 years they will have to toss their precious iPad in the trash, which may i remind you if it doesnt boot there is no way to retreive the data from the device, yes Real winner Apple and steve jobs, I wonder how many iPads will be littering our Land Fills in 50 years from now.. what a stupid device.
Posted by: nebadon |
February 5, 2010 9:35 PM
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Hi No. 12. I like your ideas. Infrared, YES! And it should do FAX! and use IE 6! and have a real radio in it! And use Navigator and a STYLUS. YES!
Posted by: Roger Mercer |
February 5, 2010 10:56 PM
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No. 22. You miss the point. The iPad is the ultimate green machine. In fact, the whole reason that Mother Earth created Steve Jobs is that she craves iPads buried in her vast bosom. Are you green, No. 22? Don't you belong to the earth? And if so, wouldn't your iPad be a natural part of the earth as well?
Posted by: Roger Mercer |
February 5, 2010 10:58 PM
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@nebadon. From the Apple site:
'iPad embodies Apple’s continuing environmental progress. It is designed with the following features to reduce environmental impact:
Arsenic-free display glass
BFR-free
Mercury-free LCD display
PVC-free
Recyclable aluminum and glass enclosure'
Posted by: peter |
February 5, 2010 11:20 PM
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still doesn't change the fact this device has no replaceable battery.. should i feel better because 25% of the device is biodegradable? it just does not seem well thought out too me, and literally once the battery dies, 100% of the machine is trash.. but hey you wont feel so bad throwing it out cause its partially degradable/recyclable right? lol
Posted by: nebadon |
February 6, 2010 2:19 AM
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in addition to post 25, the battery issue is just wrong also. when an ipod battery dies you bring it back to apple and get an exchange; you don't throw it out. And if the ipad dies i'm sure you will be able to bring it back to apple for recycling just as with ipods.
Posted by: tb |
February 6, 2010 5:37 AM
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sounds like a real convenient device, Makes me feel all warm and cozy that Apple has a proprietary process for its completely proprietary hardware, they give you lots of choice on who to deal with, I guess this device is just perfect for the person who has no clue how to decide for themselves what is best. i can see the slogan now, iPad, we can do all your thinking for you.
Posted by: nebadon |
February 6, 2010 9:57 AM
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The iPad will sell well. Apple fans alone will secure a volume that will make this a notable device. “Broken” design flaws will be fixed (e.g. camera) and sizes, storage, thickness, battery life will all be enhanced in the next generation “Maxi iPad” ;>
What has changed, is that a credible, working ecosystem of Apps has evolved and the iPad extends the possibilities for developers to generate revenue. What has changed is post-iPad, new generations of computers will look more like iPads than traditional PCs. “Touch is the new Black” and thus far, Apple does touch best. A quality version of Dragon or MacSpeech on a future iPad will further erode the need for keyboards and help signal the evolution from PC/Laptop to a “companion” device.
Existing PCs will look and be antiquated within a year after the iPad ships. Every manufacturer will race to catch-up.
Sure the first generation of the iPad is only 50% of what it should be. Given the average pace of product evolution, we'll see that fixed within 12-24 months.
Apple (with iPad and previous products) has added a new sense system to our technology as a default, touch. That adds another rung to the ladder of the personal systems for the future.
Posted by: Ken Nickerson |
February 6, 2010 11:48 AM
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The iPad will sell as Ken mentions. I doubt, however, that this is a step in computer evolution. There will still be needs for servers, desktops, and laptops. I mean who is going to create all those great iPad apps and web pages?
What we are seeing here is reminiscent of the iPhone and the Wii. Products that created their own markets because of the user interface and form factor. The majority of the naysayers keep comparing the iPad to a netbook, a laptop, or an e-reader. It is none of those things by virtue of its form factor and user interface. It needs to be evaluated on its own merits. It was designed for people that want to get online fast, read email/twitter/facebook,etc and look something up quick online. If people really want all those other things (webcam, ports, Flash, big display ,etc.) they have devices for that. They are called laptops.
Posted by: Paul Deveaux |
February 6, 2010 3:55 PM
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@nebadon
You can and should backup your data in iTunes.
As for battery replacement as tb said you just bring it back to Apple: ( http://www.apple.com/batteries/replacements.html )
Please do not assume that all people on earth must be the same as you.
The iPad has a big market: people who want none of the complexity of current Human-Machine Interaction.
There are plenty of them around, and you might even know a few yourself.
Tone the negativity down a bit or at least check your facts.
Proprietary system: well you have lots of choices, there's plenty of other manufacturers: it's not like Apple has taken over the world. (yet)
Posted by: zigcla |
February 6, 2010 6:59 PM
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Imagine Joe-The-Plumber in an electronics store having the option:
- iPad at $499
- LCD (or even a LED) TV set at $499
The TV-set he can hang in his bedroom or kitchen to watch TV, play games on his PS/2 or Xbox or watch video (from a memory USB key).
The iPad he can … do so little with it on the tiny screen.
Posted by: engago |
February 8, 2010 12:45 AM
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I agree. The iPad will sell well, finally I device I can use to have all my .pdf ebooks and movies in one place without chugging my clunky laptop. Although it doesn't look like a good gaming device to me –the controls will be awkward. Article bookmarked.
Posted by: William |
February 16, 2010 12:36 PM
Tim Stokes